You say you really know me
You're not afraid to show me, what is in your eyes
disposables.
30 April, 2012 / 4/30/2012 09:10:00 pm
I wished someone could know how I feel. Someone who will open my heart, as a friend, so I could really pour everything to. I hope to have that friend I can tell.every crap to, tell her/him all those shit I've been going through, cry,laugh and get happy after I talk to her/him. Hah wishful thinking isn't it? I used to tell most of my things to my friend, but now our friendship kind drifted, I can't talk to her anymore. Its like a kind of fear instilled onto me. It could be my fault cuz I was busy with my cca, but hey. I hope she could understand me. I hope she did. Because she was like my companion last yr. But this year, everything changed. And this srsly suck. haha. She was lik the one who made me happy, make me feel appreciated but now she's leaving me hanging there. If you hate me, tell it to me in my face. Don't leave me hanging like a fool. Please.
what makes the whole thing stupid is that I'm actually sad because of a friend. not boyfriend girlfriend or whatever. Just a pure friendship is doing such things to me. What is life.
suddenly
07 April, 2012 / 4/07/2012 10:42:00 pm
//If I die young-The Band Perry. - Suddenly all the emotions come running down. My knees are aching forever. I miss my gran a lot. I can eat until I cry out and tear. I watch tv but I feel nothing. I tried to laugh at comedy shows but nothing comes out. I tried to text my friends but I backspaced everything and deleted every draft. I tried to eat but I feel nothing now. No satisfaction. I tried to go out with my friend but in the end they had other plans so I stayed at home. I tried watching all those onedirection videos which always cheered me up but they don't really help now. I thought of happy things but they turned into sad memories instead. I tried looking into the mirror and smilr and tell myself to cheer up, chin up and have confidence but in the end, I focused on my ugly featured and frown to the mirror thinking that I'm a failure and I don't have anything left. I try everyway I thought of. trust me I did. But its not working. Everytime I stepped into the house I put down the smile I had outside and I'm just so tired. weary eyes and tired heart. I thought everything was fine but it was worse than I thought.
No one is here to now. Three of them aren't here. she isn't there for me anymore, too.
I tried to laugh and smile. but it couldn't last. not anymore. If I don't feel this way. But I got to wear a smile, chin up and continue walking, even if I fall. If I don't feel this way, there's nothing left. Only I can help myself get out of this mess.
Okay I'm so tired. I can practically cry out loud anytime, anywhere. Nah, I won't cry. Why should I cry? lol. No one will ever believe how exhausted I am, trying to keep up with everything, pleasing everyone, not making anymore disappointment, not failing myself again and again. I don't think my friends will ever know how tired I am. okay obviously cuz I'm not convincing enough for anyone. Yes I know that.
I told myself not to cry. I won't cry.
I know where I stand. Not pleasing to anyone. Not convincing enough. Not capable of anything. Not smart enough. No talents, no skills. I can't run. I can't write nice stories. I can't dance. I can't sing. I can't plan. I can't motivate others. I can't teach. I can't influence anyone, nobody. I can't convince. I can't do maths. I can't be confident enough. I can't be efficient. I can't do science. Nothing. I'm someone you'll never remember. I'm someone who is lousy, yeap. I'm someone who is short, fat and ugly but makes dumb and impractical dreams. Nope, its okay. because I know where I stand. No one knows how I feel. But its okay. I know where I stand. I really know.
Today. The way you spoke really made me feel so useless. Its like suddenly I was so incapable of doing anything. Actually since last year you were the one who never fail to make me feel inferior and sad. Its like, you came up to me, as a stranger, made me feel attached to you and then you left with some other people. I'm not being rude or anything but I really kept thinking if you were like using me or somthing cuz w had left you for some other people. I really don't know You keep saying that I was the one that got away while you're the one who is trying very hard, someone who was dependent on us, and all those bullshit. Where we're you when I feel sad and all? Where were you when I felt so helpless? Where were you when I was struggling thru my comp times. Where were you when I needed you the most. You were the one who would just burst through my bubbles of hope when ever I had one. You dampen on my dreams and passion when you was the only one I told you about my dreams. I did so many things and you told straight into my face that it wasn't good enough. Yes all of you may just say that 'because she's close to you that's why she played this kind of joke on you, That's why she dared to say such things to you." Bullshit. i'm not that stupid.
Friends. what friends.
I no longer know who's real and who's fake. Never mind.
I hate you.
I have a lot to say. But I can't say them anywhere because people just judge. Don't tell me all those bullshit like you won't judge or whatever fuck. everybody judged.
//And then after that I broke my promise.
You say you really know me
You're not afraid to show me, what is in your eyes
disposables.
30 April, 2012 / 4/30/2012 09:10:00 pm
I wished someone could know how I feel. Someone who will open my heart, as a friend, so I could really pour everything to. I hope to have that friend I can tell.every crap to, tell her/him all those shit I've been going through, cry,laugh and get happy after I talk to her/him. Hah wishful thinking isn't it? I used to tell most of my things to my friend, but now our friendship kind drifted, I can't talk to her anymore. Its like a kind of fear instilled onto me. It could be my fault cuz I was busy with my cca, but hey. I hope she could understand me. I hope she did. Because she was like my companion last yr. But this year, everything changed. And this srsly suck. haha. She was lik the one who made me happy, make me feel appreciated but now she's leaving me hanging there. If you hate me, tell it to me in my face. Don't leave me hanging like a fool. Please.
what makes the whole thing stupid is that I'm actually sad because of a friend. not boyfriend girlfriend or whatever. Just a pure friendship is doing such things to me. What is life.
suddenly
07 April, 2012 / 4/07/2012 10:42:00 pm
//If I die young-The Band Perry. - Suddenly all the emotions come running down. My knees are aching forever. I miss my gran a lot. I can eat until I cry out and tear. I watch tv but I feel nothing. I tried to laugh at comedy shows but nothing comes out. I tried to text my friends but I backspaced everything and deleted every draft. I tried to eat but I feel nothing now. No satisfaction. I tried to go out with my friend but in the end they had other plans so I stayed at home. I tried watching all those onedirection videos which always cheered me up but they don't really help now. I thought of happy things but they turned into sad memories instead. I tried looking into the mirror and smilr and tell myself to cheer up, chin up and have confidence but in the end, I focused on my ugly featured and frown to the mirror thinking that I'm a failure and I don't have anything left. I try everyway I thought of. trust me I did. But its not working. Everytime I stepped into the house I put down the smile I had outside and I'm just so tired. weary eyes and tired heart. I thought everything was fine but it was worse than I thought.
No one is here to now. Three of them aren't here. she isn't there for me anymore, too.
I tried to laugh and smile. but it couldn't last. not anymore. If I don't feel this way. But I got to wear a smile, chin up and continue walking, even if I fall. If I don't feel this way, there's nothing left. Only I can help myself get out of this mess.
Okay I'm so tired. I can practically cry out loud anytime, anywhere. Nah, I won't cry. Why should I cry? lol. No one will ever believe how exhausted I am, trying to keep up with everything, pleasing everyone, not making anymore disappointment, not failing myself again and again. I don't think my friends will ever know how tired I am. okay obviously cuz I'm not convincing enough for anyone. Yes I know that.
I told myself not to cry. I won't cry.
I know where I stand. Not pleasing to anyone. Not convincing enough. Not capable of anything. Not smart enough. No talents, no skills. I can't run. I can't write nice stories. I can't dance. I can't sing. I can't plan. I can't motivate others. I can't teach. I can't influence anyone, nobody. I can't convince. I can't do maths. I can't be confident enough. I can't be efficient. I can't do science. Nothing. I'm someone you'll never remember. I'm someone who is lousy, yeap. I'm someone who is short, fat and ugly but makes dumb and impractical dreams. Nope, its okay. because I know where I stand. No one knows how I feel. But its okay. I know where I stand. I really know.
Today. The way you spoke really made me feel so useless. Its like suddenly I was so incapable of doing anything. Actually since last year you were the one who never fail to make me feel inferior and sad. Its like, you came up to me, as a stranger, made me feel attached to you and then you left with some other people. I'm not being rude or anything but I really kept thinking if you were like using me or somthing cuz w had left you for some other people. I really don't know You keep saying that I was the one that got away while you're the one who is trying very hard, someone who was dependent on us, and all those bullshit. Where we're you when I feel sad and all? Where were you when I felt so helpless? Where were you when I was struggling thru my comp times. Where were you when I needed you the most. You were the one who would just burst through my bubbles of hope when ever I had one. You dampen on my dreams and passion when you was the only one I told you about my dreams. I did so many things and you told straight into my face that it wasn't good enough. Yes all of you may just say that 'because she's close to you that's why she played this kind of joke on you, That's why she dared to say such things to you." Bullshit. i'm not that stupid.
Friends. what friends.
I no longer know who's real and who's fake. Never mind.
I hate you.
I have a lot to say. But I can't say them anywhere because people just judge. Don't tell me all those bullshit like you won't judge or whatever fuck. everybody judged.
