I wished someone could know how I feel. Someone who will open my heart, as a friend, so I could really pour everything to. I hope to have that friend I can tell.every crap to, tell her/him all those shit I've been going through, cry,laugh and get happy after I talk to her/him.
Hah wishful thinking isn't it?
I used to tell most of my things to my friend, but now our friendship kind drifted, I can't talk to her anymore. Its like a kind of fear instilled onto me. It could be my fault cuz I was busy with my cca, but hey. I hope she could understand me. I hope she did. Because she was like my companion last yr. But this year, everything changed. And this srsly suck. haha. She was lik the one who made me happy, make me feel appreciated but now she's leaving me hanging there. If you hate me, tell it to me in my face. Don't leave me hanging like a fool. Please.

what makes the whole thing stupid is that I'm actually sad because of a friend. not boyfriend girlfriend or whatever. Just a pure friendship is doing such things to me. What is life.

//If I die young-The Band Perry.
-
Suddenly all the emotions come running down. My knees are aching forever. I miss my gran a lot. I can eat until I cry out and tear. I watch tv but I feel nothing. I tried to laugh at comedy shows but nothing comes out. I tried to text my friends but I backspaced everything and deleted every draft. I tried to eat but I feel nothing now. No satisfaction. I tried to go out with my friend but in the end they had other plans so I stayed at home. I tried watching all those onedirection videos which always cheered me up but they don't really help now. I thought of happy things but they turned into sad memories instead. I tried looking into the mirror and smilr and tell myself to cheer up, chin up and have confidence but in the end, I focused on my ugly featured and frown to the mirror thinking that I'm a failure and I don't have anything left. I try everyway I thought of. trust me I did. But its not working. Everytime I stepped into the house I put down the smile I had outside and I'm just so tired. weary eyes and tired heart. I thought everything was fine but it was worse than I thought.

No one is here to now. Three of them aren't here. she isn't there for me anymore, too.

I tried to laugh and smile. but it couldn't last. not anymore. If I don't feel this way. But I got to wear a smile, chin up and continue walking, even if I fall. If I don't feel this way, there's nothing left. Only I can help myself get out of this mess.

Okay I'm so tired. I can practically cry out loud anytime, anywhere. Nah, I won't cry. Why should I cry? lol. No one will ever believe how exhausted I am, trying to keep up with everything, pleasing everyone, not making anymore disappointment, not failing myself again and again. I don't think my friends will ever know how tired I am.
okay obviously cuz I'm not convincing enough for anyone. Yes I know that.

I told myself not to cry. I won't cry.


I know where I stand. Not pleasing to anyone. Not convincing enough. Not capable of anything. Not smart enough. No talents, no skills. I can't run. I can't write nice stories. I can't dance. I can't sing. I can't plan. I can't motivate others. I can't teach. I can't influence anyone, nobody. I can't convince. I can't do maths. I can't be confident enough. I can't be efficient. I can't do science. Nothing. I'm someone you'll never remember. I'm someone who is lousy, yeap. I'm someone who is short, fat and ugly but makes dumb and impractical dreams. Nope, its okay. because I know where I stand.
No one knows how I feel. But its okay. I know where I stand. I really know. I hate you.


"I'm insecure, I know what for"
Yes I know. I'm someone who need reassurance from my friends frequently. Its bad because it makes me like some childish person, but yeah. I need people to constantly motivate me, assure me that everything will be fine, and motivate me from time to time. And they can't sound like they're just pacifying me. I hate these kind of fake things and since I'm sensitive, so yeah. Tough right? Ikr.

Didn't go to school today, cuz my stomach was aching like a biatch and I had a fever the previous day so.. yeah. Went to the doc cuz I was feeling unwell but the doc kinda doubt me wtf. okay nvmd. Everybody doubts me. I know right. I don't look convincing enough. I tried to push away all the feelings but I know I can't. I try to be confident but I know I'm not. I'm too sensitive and insecure. I need to change this.
/
24Mar2012, Sat ; FAC @ PLMGS. NA2.
I told myself not to cry on that day. I didn't cry.
Anger was more overwhelming than sadness.
okay so I must said that our efforts have been paid off. We got best in f.a!! Okay so we're the only team in NA whose f.a scored like 118.5/150 when others' scored like 80+/90+. SO ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF YAY. but we gor 3rd in the end, ehich it wasn't too bad, but its not good either. so yeah. Not saying that we have to get 2nd/1st because I don't think we really deserve it anyway. I mean like we only trained for 3 mths or lesser and other schools like plmgs, scss and all those trained for at least half a yr. of cuz they deserve more right? Of cuz our basics of our f.d h.n f.a have been strong but people imprive too yeah? And yes it is really sad that we lost quite a few marks, okay around 20m at h.n for not prioritizing our things to do properly but then... okay somethings happened in between. Shall not mention. At least we came in third and got a best in f.a!!! considering that we only trained for 3mths and did v.lottle f.a cases... I'M Happy enough alrdy : ). We created history for WWSJ again, No teams have gotten best in f.a before yet alrights :P. okay I'm glad for other teams who have won too~ but I love my NA2'12. Yay n.n
/
26 Mar 2012. E-learning day. happy birthday jiarui!!!
Okay elearning day is a biatch. yikes. I no longer get ss now gosh.
Went to meet eepang aftnoon to study amaths @ jcp mac. ok had a enjoyable day. did some amaths and had a nice chat :). Met up w shawn y and jiarui for dinner. had peper lunch. Tried to celebrate his birthday by decorating a cake @ the icing room for him but then you knw, the four of us ended up squeezing every bit of the icing onto the cake lol. It looks abit gross but hahaha. yeah. Happy birthday jiarui :o) hope he had a memorable day ahaha.

bye n.n

Feeling so vex now and I just wanna rant everything out. But I can't.

okay so there's so many friendship problems and I seriously don't really know why is it like that cuz you didn't tell me what's wrong. So I seriously hope that yoi can tell me what's wrong so that we can work on it. but I some.kind of guess it but I'm not gna say I'm correct lest you say I am assuming things which is like so dumb.
FAC is coming in a few days. I wouldn't say that I studied a lot, but I did tried to study so I hope for the best!! :) hopefully we bring glory to wwsj again because apparently everybody looks down on wwsj. I know. So we shall prove them wrong ahahaha. spent my weeks w my NA team. I know I neglected other friends but they did the same too okay. They rather ask other people out and not talking to me and whatever. Yeah I know I'm at fault cuz I've neglected them but I hope they understand what I'm gna thru lo. They rather ask other people out, and who knows they might have said. whatever it is I trust that they never assume things of me lol.
I knw I've got some friendship problem w her and people keep asking me to talk to her and blahblablah but it can't always me making the move now. It takes two hands to clap and seriously its not like I didn't try. I tried texting her whenever I could but I've got no fucking results okay. You guys keep asking me to try again and try again but hell, I've got my problems to right.... Was she there now? No. she's out there with her friends. She says she's ready to leave me anytime. I'm sorry but this isn't fair. Does she understand my situation? no. And then you all say that I didn't try hard enough. I can never win.

And her. If she didn't wanna be treated like that then she should never even treat me like that lo. I'm not saying that I'm gna blame her about what had happened during sec3 but seriously? -_-

I can never please anyone. fuggg. so sick and tired of all these shit. No one will understand me. I'm never convincing. I'm never smart. I'm lousy in everything okay.

//you're like a flirt.

I wished someone could know how I feel. Someone who will open my heart, as a friend, so I could really pour everything to. I hope to have that friend I can tell.every crap to, tell her/him all those shit I've been going through, cry,laugh and get happy after I talk to her/him.
Hah wishful thinking isn't it?
I used to tell most of my things to my friend, but now our friendship kind drifted, I can't talk to her anymore. Its like a kind of fear instilled onto me. It could be my fault cuz I was busy with my cca, but hey. I hope she could understand me. I hope she did. Because she was like my companion last yr. But this year, everything changed. And this srsly suck. haha. She was lik the one who made me happy, make me feel appreciated but now she's leaving me hanging there. If you hate me, tell it to me in my face. Don't leave me hanging like a fool. Please.

what makes the whole thing stupid is that I'm actually sad because of a friend. not boyfriend girlfriend or whatever. Just a pure friendship is doing such things to me. What is life.

//If I die young-The Band Perry.
-
Suddenly all the emotions come running down. My knees are aching forever. I miss my gran a lot. I can eat until I cry out and tear. I watch tv but I feel nothing. I tried to laugh at comedy shows but nothing comes out. I tried to text my friends but I backspaced everything and deleted every draft. I tried to eat but I feel nothing now. No satisfaction. I tried to go out with my friend but in the end they had other plans so I stayed at home. I tried watching all those onedirection videos which always cheered me up but they don't really help now. I thought of happy things but they turned into sad memories instead. I tried looking into the mirror and smilr and tell myself to cheer up, chin up and have confidence but in the end, I focused on my ugly featured and frown to the mirror thinking that I'm a failure and I don't have anything left. I try everyway I thought of. trust me I did. But its not working. Everytime I stepped into the house I put down the smile I had outside and I'm just so tired. weary eyes and tired heart. I thought everything was fine but it was worse than I thought.

No one is here to now. Three of them aren't here. she isn't there for me anymore, too.

I tried to laugh and smile. but it couldn't last. not anymore. If I don't feel this way. But I got to wear a smile, chin up and continue walking, even if I fall. If I don't feel this way, there's nothing left. Only I can help myself get out of this mess.

Okay I'm so tired. I can practically cry out loud anytime, anywhere. Nah, I won't cry. Why should I cry? lol. No one will ever believe how exhausted I am, trying to keep up with everything, pleasing everyone, not making anymore disappointment, not failing myself again and again. I don't think my friends will ever know how tired I am.
okay obviously cuz I'm not convincing enough for anyone. Yes I know that.

I told myself not to cry. I won't cry.


I know where I stand. Not pleasing to anyone. Not convincing enough. Not capable of anything. Not smart enough. No talents, no skills. I can't run. I can't write nice stories. I can't dance. I can't sing. I can't plan. I can't motivate others. I can't teach. I can't influence anyone, nobody. I can't convince. I can't do maths. I can't be confident enough. I can't be efficient. I can't do science. Nothing. I'm someone you'll never remember. I'm someone who is lousy, yeap. I'm someone who is short, fat and ugly but makes dumb and impractical dreams. Nope, its okay. because I know where I stand.
No one knows how I feel. But its okay. I know where I stand. I really know. I hate you.


"I'm insecure, I know what for"
Yes I know. I'm someone who need reassurance from my friends frequently. Its bad because it makes me like some childish person, but yeah. I need people to constantly motivate me, assure me that everything will be fine, and motivate me from time to time. And they can't sound like they're just pacifying me. I hate these kind of fake things and since I'm sensitive, so yeah. Tough right? Ikr.

Didn't go to school today, cuz my stomach was aching like a biatch and I had a fever the previous day so.. yeah. Went to the doc cuz I was feeling unwell but the doc kinda doubt me wtf. okay nvmd. Everybody doubts me. I know right. I don't look convincing enough. I tried to push away all the feelings but I know I can't. I try to be confident but I know I'm not. I'm too sensitive and insecure. I need to change this.
/
24Mar2012, Sat ; FAC @ PLMGS. NA2.
I told myself not to cry on that day. I didn't cry.
Anger was more overwhelming than sadness.
okay so I must said that our efforts have been paid off. We got best in f.a!! Okay so we're the only team in NA whose f.a scored like 118.5/150 when others' scored like 80+/90+. SO ITS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF YAY. but we gor 3rd in the end, ehich it wasn't too bad, but its not good either. so yeah. Not saying that we have to get 2nd/1st because I don't think we really deserve it anyway. I mean like we only trained for 3 mths or lesser and other schools like plmgs, scss and all those trained for at least half a yr. of cuz they deserve more right? Of cuz our basics of our f.d h.n f.a have been strong but people imprive too yeah? And yes it is really sad that we lost quite a few marks, okay around 20m at h.n for not prioritizing our things to do properly but then... okay somethings happened in between. Shall not mention. At least we came in third and got a best in f.a!!! considering that we only trained for 3mths and did v.lottle f.a cases... I'M Happy enough alrdy : ). We created history for WWSJ again, No teams have gotten best in f.a before yet alrights :P. okay I'm glad for other teams who have won too~ but I love my NA2'12. Yay n.n
/
26 Mar 2012. E-learning day. happy birthday jiarui!!!
Okay elearning day is a biatch. yikes. I no longer get ss now gosh.
Went to meet eepang aftnoon to study amaths @ jcp mac. ok had a enjoyable day. did some amaths and had a nice chat :). Met up w shawn y and jiarui for dinner. had peper lunch. Tried to celebrate his birthday by decorating a cake @ the icing room for him but then you knw, the four of us ended up squeezing every bit of the icing onto the cake lol. It looks abit gross but hahaha. yeah. Happy birthday jiarui :o) hope he had a memorable day ahaha.

bye n.n

Feeling so vex now and I just wanna rant everything out. But I can't.

okay so there's so many friendship problems and I seriously don't really know why is it like that cuz you didn't tell me what's wrong. So I seriously hope that yoi can tell me what's wrong so that we can work on it. but I some.kind of guess it but I'm not gna say I'm correct lest you say I am assuming things which is like so dumb.
FAC is coming in a few days. I wouldn't say that I studied a lot, but I did tried to study so I hope for the best!! :) hopefully we bring glory to wwsj again because apparently everybody looks down on wwsj. I know. So we shall prove them wrong ahahaha. spent my weeks w my NA team. I know I neglected other friends but they did the same too okay. They rather ask other people out and not talking to me and whatever. Yeah I know I'm at fault cuz I've neglected them but I hope they understand what I'm gna thru lo. They rather ask other people out, and who knows they might have said. whatever it is I trust that they never assume things of me lol.
I knw I've got some friendship problem w her and people keep asking me to talk to her and blahblablah but it can't always me making the move now. It takes two hands to clap and seriously its not like I didn't try. I tried texting her whenever I could but I've got no fucking results okay. You guys keep asking me to try again and try again but hell, I've got my problems to right.... Was she there now? No. she's out there with her friends. She says she's ready to leave me anytime. I'm sorry but this isn't fair. Does she understand my situation? no. And then you all say that I didn't try hard enough. I can never win.

And her. If she didn't wanna be treated like that then she should never even treat me like that lo. I'm not saying that I'm gna blame her about what had happened during sec3 but seriously? -_-

I can never please anyone. fuggg. so sick and tired of all these shit. No one will understand me. I'm never convincing. I'm never smart. I'm lousy in everything okay.

//you're like a flirt.